Safety Planning for Teens

Aug 29

6 min read

Updated: Aug 29

A safety plan is a personalized set of steps designed to help someone reduce risk, respond to danger and reach trusted support. It may be useful while a teen is still in a relationship, preparing to leave, ending the relationship or dealing with continued contact afterward.

A safety plan does not place responsibility for abuse on the teen. The person choosing abusive behavior is responsible for that behavior. Planning simply gives the teen practical options if a situation becomes unsafe.

Whenever possible, a teen should create the plan with a trusted adult or trained dating-violence advocate.

Start With Immediate Safety

The first question is: Is anyone in immediate danger right now?

Call 911 if:

Someone is being physically harmed
A weapon is present or threatened
A person is being followed, restrained or prevented from leaving
Serious threats have been made
Someone is trying to enter a home, school or vehicle
The situation feels dangerous and urgent

Move toward a public or supervised location if it is safe to do so. Avoid entering isolated spaces, meeting the abusive partner alone or attempting to physically intervene.

For emotional distress or suicide-crisis support, call or text 988.

Identify Trusted People

A teen should identify several people who can help—not just one person who may be unavailable.

Trusted contacts might include:

A parent or caregiver
A relative
A school counselor or social worker
A teacher
A coach
A mentor
A youth-program leader
A friend’s parent
A trained dating-violence advocate
A law-enforcement professional when safety or criminal concerns are involved

Write down names, phone numbers and the type of help each person may be able to provide.

Possible questions include:

Who can pick me up if I need to leave?
Who can stay with me?
Who can notify the school?
Who can help preserve evidence?
Who can contact an advocate?
Who can call for emergency assistance?

A teen should not have to coordinate every part of the response alone.

Choose Safe Places

Identify locations the teen can reach during or after a dangerous situation.

Safe places may include:

A trusted adult’s home
A school office
A counselor’s office
A staffed youth center
A public library
A community center
A police or sheriff’s office
A hospital emergency department
A busy public business

A safe location should ideally have responsible adults, reliable communication and a way to request further help.

Consider how the teen would reach each location during school hours, after school, in the evening and on weekends.

Create a Code Word

A code word or short phrase can signal that help is needed without requiring a detailed explanation.

For example, a teen might text a trusted adult:

A particular word
A familiar phrase
A specific emoji
A question that has been agreed upon in advance

Everyone involved should understand exactly what the signal means and what action to take. Depending on the plan, the response might be:

Call the teen immediately
Pick the teen up
Contact a parent or caregiver
Notify school personnel
Call 911

Avoid choosing a signal that the abusive person would easily recognize.

Plan for School Safety

Dating violence may continue at school, during transportation, at activities or through other students. A school-based safety plan may involve:

Informing a counselor, social worker or administrator
Identifying safe classrooms or offices
Adjusting arrival and dismissal procedures
Arranging supervised transitions between classes
Changing seating, schedules or activity assignments when appropriate
Creating a plan for lunch, practices and after-school events
Alerting appropriate staff about threats or unwanted contact
Addressing harassment through school accounts or devices
Establishing who will contact a parent or caregiver
Preserving relevant messages or incident reports

Share information only with people who need it to support safety. School employees may have reporting responsibilities, so a teen may ask what information must be shared before providing extensive details.

Plan Safe Transportation

Transportation can become a point of control or vulnerability.

A plan may include:

Identifying adults who can provide transportation
Avoiding rides with the abusive partner
Keeping a charged phone available
Knowing public-transit routes
Arranging a backup ride
Waiting in a supervised place
Sharing travel plans with a trusted person
Avoiding predictable isolated pickup locations
Asking school staff to assist with arrival or dismissal

If the abusive person follows the teen, avoid driving directly home when possible. Move toward a staffed public place or law-enforcement location and contact emergency assistance.

Review Digital Safety

Phones, social media, shared accounts and location services can be used to monitor or contact someone.

Consider reviewing:

Location-sharing settings
Social-media privacy settings
Logged-in devices
Shared cloud accounts
Passwords and account-recovery information
Fitness, gaming and messaging applications
Photo-location information
Bluetooth tracking-device alerts
Shared family or phone plans

Use a safer device to seek help if a phone may be monitored.

Changing passwords, disabling location sharing or removing account access may alert the abusive person. If discovery could increase danger, consult a trained advocate before making major changes.

Preserve Evidence Carefully

Evidence may help a trusted adult, school official, advocate or law-enforcement professional understand what has occurred.

When safe, preserve:

Threatening text messages
Emails and direct messages
Voicemail messages
Social-media posts
Usernames and profile links
Photographs of damaged property or injuries
Dates, times and descriptions of incidents
Names of witnesses
School or police report information

Screenshots should include identifying information, dates and times when possible. Save copies somewhere the abusive person cannot access, such as with a trusted adult.

Do not continue a dangerous conversation only to collect more evidence. Safety is more important than documenting every incident.

Plan Before Ending the Relationship

Ending a controlling or abusive relationship may increase risk. A teen should not be pressured to end the relationship in person or meet privately for “closure.”

Before ending contact, consider:

Speaking with a trusted adult or advocate
Choosing a public or remote method when appropriate
Arranging transportation
Informing school personnel
Avoiding being alone afterward
Reviewing digital privacy and location settings
Planning how to respond to repeated contact
Identifying what to do if threats escalate
Preserving important messages before blocking accounts

There is no single correct way to end an unsafe relationship. The safest approach depends on the circumstances.

Plan for Continued Contact

Unwanted contact may continue after a relationship ends.

A plan may address:

Calls from new or unknown numbers
New social-media accounts
Contact through mutual friends
Rumors or public posts
Unwanted gifts or appearances
Following or repeated presence at school, work or activities
Threats involving private information or images

The teen should avoid responding to repeated harassment when doing so could escalate the situation. Preserve relevant evidence, notify a trusted adult and report safety concerns through appropriate channels.

Mutual friends should not deliver messages, reveal the teen’s location or arrange surprise meetings.

Prepare Essential Information

Depending on the teen’s age and situation, it may help to keep essential information accessible to a trusted adult.

This might include:

Emergency contact numbers
Important addresses
School information
Medication information needed during an emergency
Transportation options
A copy of the safety plan
Advocate or case-contact information

Do not store the plan somewhere the abusive person can easily find it if discovery could create additional danger.

How Adults Can Support the Plan

Parents, caregivers and professionals should involve the teen in safety decisions whenever possible.

Helpful adult responses include:

“I believe you.”
“This is not your fault.”
“You deserve to feel safe.”
“What are you most worried might happen?”
“Who do you want involved?”
“Let’s review the safest options together.”
“I will explain what I need to share and why.”

Adults should avoid blaming, issuing automatic punishments or taking away the teen’s phone without considering how the teen will reach help. Technology restrictions may unintentionally isolate the teen or interfere with evidence preservation.

Adults must still act when immediate safety, abuse-reporting requirements or serious threats require intervention.

Review and Update the Plan

Safety plans should change when circumstances change.

Review the plan if:

The relationship ends
Threats become more serious
The teen changes schools, jobs or activities
Transportation changes
The abusive person gains new account access
A protective or legal process begins
The teen moves
New trusted adults become available

A written plan is useful only if the teen understands it, can access it safely and knows who will respond.

Help Is Available

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

For confidential dating-relationship support and safety-planning assistance:

love is respect: Call 1-866-331-9474
Text LOVEIS to 22522
Visit loveisrespect.org