Recognizing Warning Signs of Unhealthy Behavior

Unhealthy and abusive relationships do not always begin with physical violence. Controlling behavior may develop gradually and be presented as love, concern, protection or intense commitment.

Statements such as “I only act this way because I love you” can make harmful behavior difficult to recognize. The important question is not only what the person says—it is whether their behavior creates fear, pressure, isolation or loss of choice.

One concerning incident deserves attention. A repeated pattern of power and control deserves support and a careful safety response.

Jealousy Is Not Proof of Love

Occasional insecurity can occur in relationships, but extreme jealousy may become a way to justify control.

Warning signs may include a partner who:

• Accuses someone of cheating without evidence

• Becomes angry about ordinary conversations with others

• Treats friendships as threats

• Demands constant explanations

• Insists on knowing where someone is at all times

• Creates rules about clothing or appearance

• Pressures someone to stop participating in activities

• Uses jealousy to excuse threats, insults or aggression

  
  

Care respects independence. Control tries to remove it.

Emotional and Verbal Warning Signs

Emotional abuse can damage confidence and make a person question their judgment.

It may include:

• Name-calling or repeated insults

• Humiliating someone privately or publicly

• Criticizing appearance, intelligence, culture or identity

• Blaming someone for the partner’s anger

• Withholding affection as punishment

• Threatening to end the relationship to force compliance

• Denying events that occurred

• Making someone feel responsible for every problem

• Dismissing feelings as dramatic or irrational

• Alternating cruelty with intense affection or apologies

• Threatening self-harm to prevent someone from leaving

• Spreading rumors or revealing private information

  
  

A sincere apology includes accountability and changed behavior. Repeated apologies followed by the same harm do not create safety.

Isolation and Social Control

A controlling partner may try to weaken connections with people who could notice the abuse or offer support.

Warning signs include:

• Criticizing all of the teen’s friends or relatives

• Demanding that the teen choose between the relationship and other people

• Starting arguments before family events or activities

• Interfering with school, work, sports, clubs or faith activities

• Becoming angry when the teen spends time alone

• Monitoring conversations with trusted adults

• Spreading rumors to damage friendships

• Making the teen feel guilty for having interests outside the relationship

• Claiming that no one else understands or cares about the teen

  
  

Healthy relationships add connection to a person’s life; they do not require someone to abandon their support system.

Digital Warning Signs

Phones and online platforms can be used to extend control throughout the day.

Digital warning signs may include:

• Demanding passwords

• Reading messages without permission

• Requiring constant location sharing

• Sending repeated unwanted calls or messages

• Becoming angry when a response is delayed

• Controlling who someone may follow or contact

• Logging into accounts without permission

• Creating fake accounts to monitor someone

• Posting embarrassing or private information

• Pressuring someone to send private images

• Sharing or threatening to share private content

• Using mutual friends or group chats to monitor someone

• Tracking a device without freely given agreement

  
  

Trust does not require surrendering all privacy.

Sexual Pressure and Boundary Violations

Consent must be voluntary, informed, specific, ongoing and reversible. Dating someone does not create an obligation to participate in sexual activity.

Warning signs include:

• Repeatedly asking after someone says no

• Using guilt to obtain agreement

• Threatening to end the relationship

• Ignoring hesitation, silence or discomfort

• Continuing after someone asks to stop

• Pressuring someone to use alcohol or substances

• Removing or interfering with agreed protection

• Pressuring someone to send intimate images

• Sharing private content without permission

• Treating previous consent as permanent consent

• Using rumors or humiliation to pressure someone

  
  

Silence, fear, freezing or giving in because of pressure is not consent.

Physical Intimidation and Violence

Physical abuse may begin with conduct that is minimized as play, anger or an accident.

Concerning behavior includes:

• Blocking a doorway

• Preventing someone from leaving

• Grabbing, pushing or restraining

• Hitting, kicking, biting or choking

• Throwing objects

• Driving dangerously to frighten someone

• Damaging phones, clothing or personal belongings

• Punching walls or breaking nearby objects

• Hurting or threatening pets

• Displaying or threatening to use a weapon

• Following someone after being told to stop

• Appearing unexpectedly at home, school or work

  
  

Physical intimidation is serious even when it does not leave a visible injury.

Financial and Practical Control

Teen relationships can also involve control through money, transportation, work or personal property.

Warning signs may include:

• Taking money without permission

• Pressuring someone to pay for everything

• Preventing a teen from working

• Interfering with work or school attendance

• Controlling access to transportation

• Taking or damaging a phone

• Refusing to return personal belongings

• Using gifts as leverage

• Demanding repayment as a condition for leaving

• Creating financial obligations in someone else’s name

  
  

Gifts do not create a debt of affection, access or continued participation in a relationship.

Threats, Stalking and Retaliation

Risk may continue or increase when a teen sets a boundary or ends a relationship.

Serious warning signs include:

• Repeated unwanted contact

• Following the teen

• Appearing at school, work, home or activities

• Contacting friends or relatives for information

• Threatening the teen or someone they care about

• Threatening suicide to prevent separation

• Damaging property

• Posting private information

• Threatening to distribute intimate images

• Creating new accounts after being blocked

• Refusing to accept the end of the relationship

  
  

A teen should not confront a person engaging in stalking or serious threats alone.

Changes Adults and Friends May Notice

A teen experiencing relationship abuse may not disclose it directly.

Possible changes include:

• Withdrawing from friends and family

• Losing interest in activities

• Declining school performance

• Missing classes or work

• Appearing anxious about a phone

• Responding to messages immediately out of fear

• Frequent unexplained injuries

• Changes in sleep, eating or mood

• Becoming unusually quiet or apologetic

• Changing clothing or behavior to avoid conflict

• Giving up privacy

• Making excuses for the partner

• Expressing fear about ending the relationship

• Saying the abuse is their fault

  
  

These changes can have many possible explanations, but they provide a reason to ask calm, supportive questions.

Conflict Versus Abuse

Not every disagreement is abuse. Healthy conflict allows both people to speak, disagree and maintain their boundaries without fear.

A conflict may be unhealthy or abusive when:

• One person is consistently afraid

• One person controls most decisions

• Boundaries are repeatedly ignored

• Threats or intimidation are used

• Disagreement leads to punishment

• The person feels unable to leave

• Apologies are not followed by change

• Harmful behavior becomes more frequent or severe

  
  

Abuse is not simply a disagreement that both people caused equally. It is a pattern in which one person uses harmful behavior to gain or maintain power and control.

Questions to Consider

A teen can ask:

• Do I feel safe being honest?

• Can I say no without being punished?

• Can I spend time with friends and family?

• Does my partner respect my privacy?

• Am I afraid of missing a call or message?

• Can I disagree without being threatened?

• Have I changed my behavior to prevent their anger?

• Does my partner accept responsibility?

• Do I feel pressured to prove my love?

• Can I end the relationship safely?

• Do I feel more confident—or less confident—since the relationship began?

  
  

Feeling afraid, trapped, controlled or constantly responsible for another person’s reactions is a reason to seek support.

What to Do When Something Feels Wrong

Trust your concerns. You do not need to wait for a physical injury or emergency before asking for help.

Consider:

• Speaking with a trusted adult

• Contacting a trained dating-violence advocate

• Preserving threatening messages when safe

• Reviewing digital privacy carefully

• Identifying safe locations and transportation

• Creating a personalized safety plan

• Informing school personnel when school safety is affected

• Calling 911 when there is immediate danger

  
  

Do not confront an abusive partner alone. Ending a controlling relationship may increase risk, so safety planning is important.

Help Is Available

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

For confidential support related to teen dating relationships:

• love is respect: Call 1-866-331-9474

• Text LOVEIS to 22522

• Visit loveisrespect.org

  
  

For emotional distress or suicide-crisis support, call or text 988.

Sweet Dreams Safe Haven Inc. provides prevention-focused education, mentoring, advocacy, family support, referrals and resource navigation. It does not provide emergency response, psychotherapy, diagnosis or medical treatment.